Not all Thanksgivings are equal. Some we embrace. For others, we have to work harder to find our gratitude. If you fit into the latter category, I hope I can help.
I’ll start with a strange analogy. When I was in college taking chemistry, during test time, I would be highly stressed. The subject did not appeal to my strengths. I started each test by writing in the corner “PV=NRT.” It was a small but essential equation that somehow fortified me.
I called this my “think small strategy” because five letters and an equal sign anchored me. I found my way and was able to succeed.
Between my friends and the Medium platform, where millions of writers share their words, I know many people can’t square today’s politics with gratitude. You don’t have to be in their shoes to understand the feeling, though I don’t agree with suggestions by some to “shut out the family” who, in their minds, voted wrong.
Family triumphs over everything, and we should work to listen better and understand more, no matter how foreign the thinking is. And yes, “work” is the word. It’s not easy. If, however, you are considering family secession because gratitude is not within reach, my advice is, “Think small.”
Find the moments and experiences in your life that go way beyond politics you can embrace, and they can be very small.
I’ll share some of mine.
Dogs: A big blessing in my family has been two goldendoodles. Four years ago, I anticipated losing our most beloved dog, Nemo. For Thanksgiving, I wrote about anticipating the loss of Nemo’s happy howl. We all cried and welcomed our puppy-in-training, Teddy, to the mix.
Growth: The following year, we had COVID. I felt trapped in my home as my husband and I watched seven seasons of Helen Mirren’s “Prime Suspect” series — brilliant but very dark. I also read Jim Rasenberger’s “America 1908,” which explored another challenging time when our nation was soul-searching.
On that COVID Thanksgiving, I was irritable but rescued again by thinking small. I considered how COVID made our kids the grownups in the room. They had definitely matured, and now they sometimes give us advice. While we didn’t like being watched over, we were reassured that our future was in good hands.
Memories: We’ve weathered back-to-back years of losing our treasured matriarchs. One matriarch was a music teacher and choir leader, and we sang our way toward honoring her memory. The other, my mother, was Curious George with the disposition of a saint. We laughed as we remembered her wanting an iPad so she could finally understand why the Shah of Iran was deposed. Of course, she couldn’t work the iPad, but my son stepped in to give her a history lesson.
Last year, I almost skipped writing a Thanksgiving column. The rise in antisemitism and the fear pervading college campuses completely sapped my gratitude. Then came a “simple” gesture that rescued my faith.
A group of 100 universities expedited admissions to Jewish students if they were looking to transfer to a safe haven. The coalition was a mix of faith-based, public and private, and Historically Black Colleges and Universities. That small gesture meant everything to me, I could write my column by going small.
What if politics is stuck in your craw, and you can’t shake your mood? I offer this short answer. Start with the freedoms we are blessed to have and the value of a democracy where people get to vote. Then, proceed to the theme of “comebacks happen.”
We can always hope for comebacks or second chances to make us better. If we don’t get something right, we usually suffer the consequences. As the saying goes, “Success is falling nine times and getting up 10.”
Consider what it will take to “get up 10” and do your business.
My final advice: Going small can also mean finding a local unrelated story that is so sweet it warms your heart and picks up your mood. Today’s winner was the story of a 5-year-old boy with autism who recently saved a family next door by waking up his father when, late at night, he noticed a fire burning. The father took action, fire trucks came, and the family and furry friends were saved while the house blazed.
There are stories to be found that can make us smile. There are comebacks in the works that can create hope. Gratitude is within reach if we will it.
